Books for Eng 231

In the first book I read, Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting out of the Box by The Arbinger Institute, I kind of had to do a double take. While I was reading this book the concepts in it sounded very mormon-ish to me. I talked to the father of one of my friends and yes, the author who wrote this is a Latter-Day-Saint. But he wrote it in such a way that you wouldn’t have known the author was religious. It was a wakeup call for me to follow the Lord’s commandments and to treat others as I would want to be treated. Anyway, there is a quote from that book that I really enjoy because it captures what self-deception is and what leadership is not.

Self-deception is like this. It blinds us to the true causes of problems, and once we’re blind, all the ‘solutions’ we can think of will actually make matters worse. Whether at work or at home, self-deception obscures the truth about ourselves, corrupts our view of others and our circumstances, and inhibits our ability to make wise and helpful decisions. To the extent that we are self-deceived, both our happiness and our leadership are undermined at every turn (xii).

This book lists seven things that define self-deception. The first one is “An act contrary to what I feel I should do for another is called an act of ‘self-betrayal’” (105). The second one is “When I betray myself, I begin to see the world in a way that justifies my self-betrayal” (105). The third one talked about is “When I see the world in a self-justifying way, my view of reality becomes distorted” (105). The fourth one the authors mentions is “So---when I betray myself, I enter the box” (105). The fifth self-betrayal definition is “Over time, certain boxes become characteristics of me, and I carry them with me” (105). Sixth is “by being in the box, I provoke others to be in the box” (105). Finally the last one is “In the box, we incited mutual mistreatment and obtain mutual justification. We collude in giving each other reason to stay in the box” (105).

Leadership is not about making sure that you get the best out of life, it is about making sure that everyone gets the best out of life. But if we are self-deceived we cannot be the leaders that we are supposed to be. We can’t help each other achieve goals. Self-deception to me is a huge deal, as it is probably with almost the whole human population. When I read this book I was stuck in between a rock and a hard place. Growing up I have always tried to be nice to others and always made sure that they were taken care of. Sometimes I really didn’t mean it though. Well between the rock aka. my trying to be nice, and the hard place aka. my roommates; I was having a hard time being nice and meaning it. I was having a hard time listening to my roommates stories and actually caring. The author talks about getting out of the box which represents our self-deception and actually helping others genuinely. It is about seeing people as people who have needs and dreams. It is about seeing that people are taken care of. Sadly I was seeing people, especially my roommates, as objects and not as people. Reading this book kicked me out of the box, granted I still climb in every once in a while, but I try to stay out of the box.

This book renewed my vision of being a leader, someone who cares about others and helps them to understand their potential. If a leader is in the box, they cannot fully see the big picture to help others.

The second book I read was The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A leadership Fable by Patrick Lencioni. This book solidified my definitions of leadership. In it, the book focuses on the dysfunctions which are: Absence of trust, fear of conflict, lack of commitment, avoidance of accountability, and inattention to results. In the book it says that the leader needs to show vulnerability first. Doing that shows members that their leader is trustworthy. For me, I don’t trust a lot of people with almost anything, but when it comes to leading people and working in teams, I trust others and allow them to trust me because it is needed. Lencioni states that, “…leaders demonstrate restraint when their people engage in conflict, and allow resolution to occur naturally… model behavior appropriate conflict behavior” (206). I am not afraid of conflict in teams, I address what is needed but I do it in a way that is nice and not cutting. If there is a goal that needs to be accomplished, I am going to make sure that everyone knows it. Leaders need to be pushing their team to commit and decide, because if they don’t, laziness occurs and nothing will get done, in the beginning. A leader shows his or her group the bigger picture when needed. Because of my childhood, I don’t get attached to something unless it needs passion. With my groups, I don’t fully get attached until all the commitments are set in place. Then I commit everything that I can. Lencioni says a leader, “must be willing to serve as the ultimate arbiter of discipline when the team itself fails” (215). I do admit that every once in a while, I don’t hold others or myself accountable. I justify why I didn’t, then I realized that I am just trying to find a way out. Leaders need their team to know that they expect their fellow men to be accountable. Lastly, “Team leaders must be selfless and objective, and reserve rewards and recognition for those who make real contributions to the achievement of group goals” (220). I can see how people cannot be attentive to results, but for me, it is a no brainer. The results are the results! The end goals!

I am mostly for these authors and their ways of being leaders and good team members. But to me, you cannot always be a good leader no matter what you do. There are always going to be people that hate you and will not listen to you and will not be a good team player. No matter how nice you are or how good of an example you are; you cannot be a good leader if no one is following you. Another thing that I am against is that I think the characteristics of leaders will change in different situations. Not all of these attributes will work in different situations. I am a very situational type believer and some of the situations I have been in; I have needed to be opposite of what these authors have stated.